


the nature of caring

by deanssammy (babylxxrry)



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Slice of Life, also it's more & than / but the / is very minimally implied, somewhat but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 07:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14911013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babylxxrry/pseuds/deanssammy
Summary: Sometimes John wonders if Sherlock really cares about him at all.[or, how care manifests in different ways]





	the nature of caring

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! this is my first fic in this fandom... we'll see how it goes.
> 
> this idea literally popped into my head about an hour and a half ago as i was walking up the stairs to get ready for bed so here it is, unbetaed and un-britpicked. let me know if there's any major changes needed :P
> 
> enjoy!

Sometimes John wonders if Sherlock really cares about him at all. He knows Sherlock will only ever really, as he says, be married and devoted to his work, but there are moments where John will think too much and start wondering if Sherlock truly cares about him as a friend, as a partner, as more.

John doesn’t even want to begin to think about the implications of _and more_. Sometimes he thinks he’ll catch Sherlock watching him with dark, unreadable eyes, but the moment he so much as shifts his gaze towards him, Sherlock will blink and John will realize he’s looking at something just past him. John doesn’t buy it, but he’ll let it slide. Sometimes, when they’ve come home from a particularly taxing case, Sherlock will make tea just the way John likes it before he makes his own, and sometimes their fingers will brush and John will swear Sherlock’s hand lingers for a millisecond too long.

None of it really matters, now does it, if Sherlock doesn’t care.

John makes his way downstairs, somewhat dreading the outcome of the conversation he’s about to initiate.

Sherlock’s stirring something noxious-looking on the counter when John walks to the door of the kitchen.

“You’re about to ask me something and you’re afraid of the outcome,” he says without looking up or pausing his stirring.

“I’m not even going to ask.”

“Two seconds slower than usual down the stairs, give or take 100 milliseconds since I was counting my stirring and not your path, and soft steps to the kitchen like you didn’t want to be heard.”

“Huh,” John says.

“Well come on then, out with it,” Sherlock replies, putting his stirring rod down and making a note of something on a notebook sitting next to the mixture.

“I won’t bother you if you’re in the middle of an experiment,” John says, already seizing the excuse to avoid the conversation.

“I was just finishing up, so if you’ll give me six minutes, I’ll join you. The paper’s on the armchair, There might be some promising cases in there, see if you can spot them all.”

John does, and makes note of the three points of interest that he can see, resolving to ask Sherlock after the conversation.

Six minutes later, Sherlock sits in the other armchair, across from John.

“What’s so important you couldn’t ask me without my full attention?”

There’s a moment where John considers drawing it out, but realizes that the longer he waits, the chance that Sherlock will guess correctly exponentially increases, and he’d much rather just say it.

“Do you care about me? Like as a person, not just as someone who facilitates your everyday life.”

Sherlock blinks once, twice, before he locks gazes with John. His eyes are bright.

“Do you think I don’t care about you?”

And goddamnit, Sherlock. John knows exactly what he’s doing. By turning the question back, he’ll inevitably get John to spill all of his thoughts. It’s not something that’s uncommon for Sherlock to do, but John really, really hates being on the receiving end of it.

“Do you think I think you don’t care about me?”

“Look at it this way, John. How many people do you know of that I would go out of my way to make time for?”

“At least three, if not more.”

Sherlock raises an eyebrow. “Besides my arse of a brother, anyone with an interesting murder case, and Moriarty.”

“That’s possibly an infinite amount of people, Sherlock.”

Sherlock sighs. “Do you really need me to spell it out for you?”

“Please do. I’m tired of guessing,” John replies, keeping his voice as even as he can manage.

“I care about you, John Watson. The very existence of this conversation as it exists now proves it. Would I have stopped in the middle of an experiment to talk emotions to anyone but you? No. Would I have _lied_ about the status of said experiment to anyone but you to make sure you didn’t feel guilty going into this conversation? No. I go out of my way to make time for you because I care about you. As a friend and a partner.”

John nods, a little taken aback. “I- Good. I’m relieved. Thank you.”

Sherlock levels his gaze again. “And we come to the question, why were you wondering?”

“I… don’t entirely know. It’s just that you seem so dismissive of me sometimes. I know that sounds selfish, but occasionally it does sting.”

Sherlock sighs and looks down at his lap, scratching at an imaginary stain on his trouser leg.

“As I’m sure you’re well aware, it’s not particularly in my nature to sugar-coat anything,” he starts, and John snorts. “Don’t scoff. You know it’s true. I simply find it inefficient and bothersome. However, if you’ve also noticed, I’m more direct with people categorized as either hostile or familiar. You, clearly, don’t fall into the _hostile_ category, so therefore, you’re familiar, and I trust you enough to simply be myself, rather than pull on a so-called ‘normal’ façade. I apologize if that’s ever hurt you.”

“I see. I- uh. Thank you. Again?” John really doesn’t have any words at this point, and he thinks Sherlock might be laughing at him, judging by the little curl at the corner of his lips.

“Yeah, of course. By the way, did you spot those cases?” Sherlock asks, gesturing towards the paper lying abandoned on John’s lap. The conversation is closed, and John’s relatively satisfied with the results.

He points out the three of interest and Sherlock nods. “You got the main one that caught my eye, though the other two are relatively easy to explain if you reference some of the articles online. Good.”

That’s the first _good_ without a _but…_ following that John’s gotten in a while.

He smiles, and in some rare moment of gaiety, Sherlock smiles back.

 

-fin. 

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed this or would like to see more from me! thank you for reading!!


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